Ghosts of May: A Contemplation

I now find my life to be somewhat empty. Well, emptier.

Finishing high school must be the most bizarre experience I’ve had in years. Not that high school here is the same as high school I know from such crap as 90210 or Smallville. We don’t do cheerleaders and football players. Cool kids and geeks. Chess club. Lockers in the hallways. Evil gym teachers that mock the fat guy. We have less competition based on who’s faster, stronger, smarter, or sexier and more friendship and general camaraderie.

So why was finishing high school so strange?

Reason number one is the way it all ended. Written and oral tests from four subjects, two of which were required and two I could choose myself. So basically, five years of study, of tests, grammar, books, and discussion; it all just boiled down to fifteen minutes that really matter. For some, convenient. For others, lucky. For most, unfair. But who am I to criticize our educational system? I only had to go through it.

Reason number two is what I do now. After two weeks of cramming everything into my head, I am now officially sick and tired of any kind of learning process. Only it doesn’t stop here. Now I have entry exams to two universities, but no will to study for them. Week one after finishing high school was my brain submerged in a bowl of booze. Week two is my brain trying to concentrate on more of that stupid math I hate so much. And if I don’t make it to university, it’s all work and no play for me.

Reason number three is the people I will and won’t miss. For years I have loathed the building I had to visit five times a week. Now, I’m strangely unable to imagine life without it. I’ve become institutionalized like some sort of inmate released after doing some serious time at Folsom. For years, I’ve maintained steady friendships that are now broken down according to who’s going to which university in which city. People I never liked stay in town while others go to Prague or wherever. Maybe sometimes not having friends could be good. At least there wouldn’t be anyone to miss.

Reason number four is summer break. It’s going to be my longest summer break ever, since this year I finished a month sooner. Somehow, however, I’m not really looking forward to it. For a student like me (above average, but not enthusiastic about school at all), this is a dream come true. But I’ve always been the type of person who only realizes how he liked something when he loses it, so really, this dream come true is just too bitter to make me happy.

To sum it all up, May just sucked this year. I missed half of it by studying and I can’t remember part of it by partying. The other part of that remaining half of it I just spent procrastinating. But I know exactly what I’m going to do next.

Finish that darn dead cat story.